Saturday, May 22, 2010

up to the eyeballs

may i be honest?

today i've had it UP TO MY EYEBALLS with living in another culture.

i won't go into detail, or else you would know exactly how petty i am being. it's not even about living in the Philippines...i think i'd feel this way almost anywhere in the world. i'm just weary of all the ways things are...different, and i'm missing what i left behind.

when the straw broke the camel's back at dinner time, i think i scared the rest of the family. (sorry you4.) which is actually pretty amazing when you think about it. they didn't quite know what to do with my culture shock because no one else has gone through this.


so i sent myself to my room for a time out, and to pray, because i am smart enough to know i need help with this. as I prayed, i was reminded of why i'm here. it's simply out of obedience to my Lord. that's it. and i was reminded of what He did out of love for me.

"He left His Father's throne above,
(so free, so infinite His grace!)
humbled Himself
(so great His love!),

and bled for all His chosen race.

'Tis mercy all, immense and free;
for, O my God, it found out me.
Amazing love!
How can it be
that Thou, my God,
shouldst die for me?"

-Charles Wesley

is anyone else feeling up to the eyeballs in circumstances?
will you join me in regaining perspective
by focusing our eyes on Him

instead of on the world around us?

"My heart is filled with thankfulness
To Him who reigns above,
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace,
Whose ev’ry thought is love.
For ev’ry day I have on earth
Is given by the King;
So I will give my life, my all,
To love and follow Him."
Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

oh, for grace to trust Him more...


Heritage Clan said...

Where is the photo to go with this post? I need know I am trying to make you laugh! I am glad you put yourself on a timeout. And how I know exactly what you are going through, but most of all our Lord Jesus knows. And you are so loved and prayed for. Hugs....

us5 said...

you want photos of me in time out? ;o) or of my worried family? sorry to disappoint you, friend! it wasn't exactly a kodak moment. :op

The Girls said...

Dear dear Barbara. Why does it make me feel better to know that YOU lost it and shocked your family? Misery loves company? I do that on occasion, but I've never considered putting myself into time out! What a dear blessing you are to ALWAYS point straight to Jesus and what He's done for us, instead of wallowing in the problem of the day or "the straw that broke the camel's back." You are so right, we DO need help with the overwhelming things that come at us each day and add up until we want to scream, "Stop all of this! I want to get off this train!" and sometimes we do scream it, or something similar. Even if the scream is a quiet, polite voice, as I imagine yours was! Correctly said, "it (isn't) exactly a Kodak moment." But know that I love you and I'll be even more diligent about praying for you as you come to my mind. Thank you for sharing your bad times as well as your good ones. Here's a hug from me...xxxxxxxx (isn't it the x that stands for hugs in the xoxoxo lineup?) If not, here's another try...oooooo.

us5 said...

thanks for the hugs, friend! and for the prayers. glad to know you still love me despite my ugliness! ;o) i am so blessed to have such wonderful friends...

Rosalie said...

Guess it would be a concern if you DIDN'T have moments like this.

Carl G. said...

Barb, thanks for being vulnerable about this! I suspect that many of us operate under the illusion that once you've made the momentous decision to engage in cross-cultural ministry you're past the hardest part. I appreciate your candor and I acknowledge your harrowing experience in beginning to come to terms with the the sea-change in your life. This following Jesus stuff is no walk in the park, eh?

us5 said...

thanks, Rosalie and Carl.

it's true, the challenges of living in another culture are real, but their root is essentially the same one all believers face; allowing circumstances to distract us from Christ!

i guess He never promised that following would be easy. but i wouldn't trade His way for anything!